omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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