He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize