So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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