Say something about gay babies.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
