they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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