I want to walk on stilts...naked
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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