I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize