I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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