Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
