the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
