do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do vagina's smell?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
