i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
