fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
