You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
