Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
