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I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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