How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
