If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
