I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Two words: nipple clamps
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