they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
