Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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