I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
