He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
