let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
