We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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