I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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