woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
