I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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