You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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