'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
