Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
