hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize