This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
