in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
