dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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