you guys were way drunker than both of me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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