A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Every concussion has its silver lining
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
