I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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