what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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