the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
