We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
