It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
They took my balls.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
