I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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