Your face is a jimmy john
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
