You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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