My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
