my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
