sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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