I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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