God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
