thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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