Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
