i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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