im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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