How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
