can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
