I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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