just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
