hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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