I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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