I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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