she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
