I'm passing your future prison.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
