either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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