Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
