i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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