You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
